I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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