I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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