I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize