I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
