She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
