I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
