why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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