Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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