I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
