Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
