why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
