dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
