worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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