maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
