you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
