There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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