I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
