I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
