I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
