Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
