Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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