Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
