I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
should my penis look like a turkey
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
