those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
