Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My cat gives me a boner
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize