I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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