it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
