And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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