didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
