If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
