walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
