Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Shame - the story of my life.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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