You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
