Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
