I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
