Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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