She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
