its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize