Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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