out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
