I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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