Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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