so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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