literally had 100 drinks last night.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
