I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
