she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
