Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
