Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize