I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
