I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
