i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There r osticjed everywhere
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
