I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize