im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
