I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
