Will you blow on my dice?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
