i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
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