so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
