Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
