stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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