Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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