let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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