ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize