i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
