That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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