Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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