Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Randomize
