So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
