I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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