Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She's JV to your varsity
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
