i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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