u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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