There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think my vagina is haunted
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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