I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
