Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
