very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
