If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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