The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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