Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
