found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
