i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
