i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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