...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
