Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
