i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
did i walk over a car last night?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
