Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
