38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
