and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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