Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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