can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize