Jerry, you need to find god
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
