quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
