I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
