Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
