turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
