All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize