I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
