Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
