My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
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