I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
