i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
