We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
