If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
