I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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