just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
