My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
