1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
