Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
