"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
If that was your dad, he is hot
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize