I accidentally had phone sex last night
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
