I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
