She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize